im in the corner

Men are amazing. i finally found a man. hes a gorgeous 28 year old guy whose lived and loved and lost, alot. of course hes from a completely different culture, so i dont agree with some of his opinions. but hey, that life.
well, we've been hanging out and talking and just having fun. that is before yesterday. i got to his place at 11 in the morning. and the minute i walked in i felt it. this undeniable pull to him. i didnt want to let go of his arm. i wasnted to be connected to him. we've kissed before this, and id like to think of is as more than friends up to that point. so, we sat down on his bed, just as i had done 20 times before. and we started talking just like we had done millions of times before. his hand on my leg and looking eye to eye. and then we start making out. and i let myself go. i felt safe with him. i knew he'd take care of me. and he did. he looked me in the eyes the whole time. and then we laid there for a while. and he took me out to lunch at a mexican restaurant. and he order for me, in spanish. and then we went back to his place. and we put in a movie. that we only watched 5 minutes of. and i wanted him again. so just like earlier, he took care of me. but we tried new stuff. stuff i had never done before. and above all, the one thing he worried about was making sure i was comfortable. and when i wasnt he made it to where i was. and then after we had a long conversation about what we were both comfortable with. and for the first time... i was able to open up.
right now, im struggling to fight attatchment. and the more i fight it, the more it hurts. not only am i physically sore, im emotionally exhausted. the only thing that comes to mind... is the "L" word. i feel like i need to surround myself with my girls for protection. my high school girls. the ones that arents here anymore. i dont want to get hurt. i dont think i could handle it again. i want him to make everything stop hurting. i couldnt sleep without him last night. whenever i drifted off i had nightmares.
and now i feel an anxiety attack coming on. so i should stop. my hands are shaking. and i want to cry. and i need him to call me.