Catharsis

ok, so i figured it was best to get it all out at once. and then ill have nothing left to talk about. and then ill just blog when something gigantic is bugging me. i died my hair again. its blue black blonde. how i lived with myself before is beyond me. normalcy is sooo over rated!

remember the whole picking up and leaving off thing i was talking about earlier. well, its almost time for that again. i guess ill go back to the people ive met at work and pretend that we're friends. they're a nice distraction from what im missing. i never thought in my wildest dreams i would be so lonely.

i realized the other night there is difference between a memory and a flashback. kind of like the difference between a dream and a nightmare. you have dreams about all those amazing memories you've made in your life. you have flashbacks that leave you shaken and sweating like a nightmare. ive had quite a few of the latter in few previous months. the same circumstance and face that i cant seem to shake. the worst part of it... it happens when you're with someone new. a guy who doesnt know what happened and you havent gotten the guts to tell him. sometimes i find myself listening to "long december" over and over while tears run down my cheeks. its not fair that i have to live with this. its not fair that i cant move on and forget about it.

"i dont want the world to see me... cause i dont think that they'd understand.
when everythings made to be broken i just want you to know why"